Being a Penis
by ObsidianTresses
Summary: Finally! Insight on Sesshoumaru's penis! Find out its thoughts and feelings about being one.


Disclaimer: I don't own the series of Inuyasha or its characters (just this one this piece is about) and I make no money from writing.

AN- Okay, so this is more about Sesshoumaru's penis than anything, and it doesn't have his personality but there are similarities ('Cuz of course penises can't be educated!). Hopefully you guys find this as pleasing and as funny as I did when I wrote this. Please review and give some feedback! Enjoy!

~Obsidian

Being a Penis

Throughout time, my kind has been called by various names: Willy, Richard, Dick, Johnson, Wang, Meat, etc. And even more… creative names have jumped up: one-eyed monster, one-eyed serpent, fireplace poker, water hose, cocksicle, baby-maker, drumstick, baseball bat with two baseballs, round eyeglasses and a large nose, weed whacker, impaler, cock master, fuck machine and the list just goes on!

But penises—We have feelings too! We all start out small, you know. Then we get bigger! We are just like people: some are black, white, red, purple, yellow- you name it! Some get really hairy and need a hacksaw, while others are better off. Some of us swing left, and some of his swing right. Almost all have two best friends who always hang with them and get smacked around and sadly, some are just tucked away lonely and shriveled. Then of course, also like people, some are deformed, some small and skinny, small and fat, fat and long, long and skinny, and some are monsters…

Needless to say, I am a monster. I am not proud of it. But then again, I am. What a contradiction!

And also like the human people, we work, but only have a singular occupation: Battle. Every day, all of my brethren can take comfort in knowing they are fighting a battle and letting loose their ammunition (though we can only shoot a few times, we make it count!). We rip through people's insides and outsides! We get beaten and we beat back against the asses of men and women alike! We shove through the tight spots, giving great tastes and gifting while also taking—reveling in that wondrous capacity to be gripped tightly in the face of flesh. When the time comes for battle, we can stand tall and proud and those "lesser" boys who can't get it up like the rest of us will be flaccid and limp, unable to do justice to the right reputation.

It's funny because we also have our own personalities (usually the same as our owner). There are the promiscuous ones or the "playas" who see the light of battle on a daily basis in a multitude of battlefields, and there are the terribly shy ones who have sadly never been sat on or seen action in their life. In my opinion, it's better to be loved often and visit that one battlefield every day instead of different ones that can possibly infect you with craziness or simply disease.

Seriously, I don't need to look like a hormonal teenager with warts across my body.

You know what sucks most about being a penis? Most of the time, I am covered and shrouded in the dark and when I am out, I usually have to barf up yellow liquid. I have one eye that I can't see out of and when I get excited…. I vomit A LOT from it. I don't mean like a little spit up; it's like a huge torrent of white stuff and it is very, very messy. When my owner is presented with indecent thoughts and situations, I stand tall and it hurts when there is clothing on top of me. Sometimes I tear up when I am a little too happy, and there are times when I get beaten and abused. Then I have only two companions that hang on to me and never leave me; when I am bare and it is cold, my companions can shrink and get pruny. Finally, my best friend happens to be a pair of lips that can only hug me tightly.

It almost sucks to be a penis-- especially one belonging to a person like Sesshoumaru. I can't really see, but from my personal endeavors and experiences, when the guy was younger, he would be rather brash and flick me with curiosity… Yeah, it was that age when little boys discovered a new "plaything". But, as the man got older, he used me more often. I went into the face of danger many times with various demons of the female species. Often enough, because I am a monster, I made them scream and even got some of them to bleed. In turn, they handled me very roughly and needless to say, I went in, exploded with happiness and was put right back into the dark. It really wasn't gratifying.

Then one day, life as I knew it changed. I went into a battlefield and knew that this particular meadow was the lover of my life. She is small, but that's what is amazing—that one small like her can handle a monster like me. She would often quiver around me even when she wasn't at her happiest, and when she was so greatly enraptured, she doesn't want to let me go! Sometimes when I run in and out of her, she talks to me in great bursts of loudness that sound like flatulence; nonetheless I love it! When these particular lips cry with jubilance and her tears are always searing as they make me warm. She is indeed amazing and caring and I know I never want to part from her.

Her owner, Kagome, is also very kind. Thanks to that woman, my master uses me in more ways! Sometimes I go into a cavern where there are stalagmites and stalactites, but that cave is so very good at sucking on me and using that slithery beast inside to touch me. That little minx has been able to even find my most sensitive spots like at the grove where my vomit falls and my underside. Then there are also her hands which are very soft and very firm when they grip me so nicely. She'd even do a combination of both the cave and the hands and then it'd be so difficult to contain my sheer happiness!

But of course, nothing compares to that vixen surrounded by soft tufts of grass.I don't think my owner ever came into contact with another pair of lips after having me encounter this one. I am glad because ever since then, I get to "see" the light on at least a daily basis and I get to go into battle and rain my ammo into that beautiful cavern just as often. Love has never felt so satisfying.

In the end, I can take all of those derogatory names they give dicks and the jokes they make about us, because even though I am a proud monster, as long as my quest into the fight continues and I am reunited with my pink, wet love nothing can or will ever faze me.

I can finally say I am proud to be Sesshoumaru's penis.

End.

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AN: PST! Remember to review, pweeezee? *bats eyelashes*

Oh, and later I might add another one like this about Kagome's vagina. But of course that depends on if you guys like this one or not! REVIEW! ;]


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